Sex party

Group sex (Redirected from Sex party (group sex)) For other meanings, see Group sex (disambiguation).

For various uses of the word "orgy", see Orgy. "Swinging party" redirects here. For the song, see Swingin Party. Peter Fendi, 1835 Group sex is sexual behavior involving more than two participants.
Group sex can occur between people of all sexual orientations and genders. Group sex also occurs in populations of non-human animals such as bonobo apes and chimpanzees.
Group sex most commonly takes place in a private sex party or semi-public swinger gathering, but may also take place at massage parlors or brothels or, in some jurisdictions, at purpose-built locations such as sex clubs. In places where non-monogamous sex is taboo or illegal, group sex may take place in private or clandestine locations including homes, hotel rooms, or private clubs.

Fantasies of group sex are extremely common among both men and women, and group sex is a subgenre in pornographic films. TermsEdit Depiction of group sex in the Kama Sutra Illustration from the Kama Sutra In principle, any sexual behavior performed by more than two people can be referred to as group sex, but various terms are used to describe particular acts or combinations of people. Many swingers argue that non-swingers have conflated the terms because of lack of understanding and that there are distinct differences among the terms with specific meanings as to number, intent, sexual orientation, and familiarity of the persons involved.

Circle jerk Group masturbation among men, usually sitting in somewhat of a circle formation. Daisy chain Group of participants perform cunnilingus or fellatio on each other in a circular formation, permitting each participant to both give and receive oral sex simultaneously. Gang bang A number of people performing sex acts on one person, either in turn or at the same time. Threesome or three-way Three people all having sexual relations, not necessarily simultaneously. Not to be confused with ménage à trois (literally, "household of three"). Foursome or four-way Sex between four people. Not to be confused with ménage à quatre (literally, "household of four"). Double penetration When a person is entered or penetrated in the vagina and/or anus by two people at the same time. This usually is when one enters the anus while another enters the vagina, although it does also refer to two simultaneous penetrations in the same orifice. Spintrian Term used by Suetonius to describe sexual group practices indulged in by the emperor Tiberius on Capri[1] Monogamous Group Sex or Same Room Sex (a.k.a. Soft Swapping) Couples engaging in sexual activity in the same room but in separate pairs, without any swapping of partners or other major sexual activity between couples. PrevalenceEdit Fantasies of group sex are extremely common among both men and women. In major studies, between 54 and 88% of people fantasize about watching others have sex, between 40 and 42% fantasize about being watched by others, and between 39 and 72% fantasize about bondage.[2] Many forms of sexual behavior were reported by Kinsey's subjects, but the official Kinsey Reports web site does not mention threesomes or group sex in the summary of Kinsey's findings. Types of sex partyEdit Illustration of a four-some by Édouard-Henri Avril Illustration of an orgy by Édouard-Henri Avril A sex party is a gathering at which sexual activity takes place. Sex parties may be organized to enable people to engage in casual sexual activity or for swinging couples or people interested in group sex to meet, but any gathering where sexual activity is anticipated can be called a sex party. Sex parties, under various names, have been a common focus of moral panics fed by media reports claiming that such parties are prevalent, or growing in prevalence, especially among teenagers.[3] There are number of types of sex parties: Swinger party/gatheringEdit A swinger party or partner-swapping party is a gathering at which individuals or couples in a committed relationship can engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.[4] Swinging can take place in various contexts, ranging from a spontaneous sexual activity at an informal social gathering of friends to a regular social gathering in a sex club (or swinger club) or residence.[5] Swinger parties may involve various group sex activities. Partners can engage in penetrative sex, known as "full swap", or choose to "soft swap" in which they engage only in non-penetrative sex. New swinging couples often choose a soft swap before they are comfortable with a full swap, although many couples stay soft swap for personal reasons.[6] "Soft swinging" is when a couple engages in sexual activities with only each other while other couples perform sex acts in the immediate vicinity.[7] Technically this is a form of exhibitionism rather than "group sex" per se. Key partyEdit A key party is a form of swinger party, in which male partners place their car and house keys into a common bowl or bag on arriving. At the end of the evening the female partners would randomly select keys from the bowl and leave with that key's owner.[8] Rainbow partyEdit A rainbow party is an urban legend spread from the early 2000s. At these events, allegedly increasingly popular among adolescents, females wearing various shades of lipstick take turns fellating males in sequence, leaving multiple colours on their penises.[9] Rainbow parties were covered on The Oprah Winfrey Show in 2003, and became the subject of a juvenile novel called Rainbow Party.[9] On May 27, 2010 the television program The Doctors discussed the topic with dozens of teens, parents, and professionals. However, sex researchers and adolescent health care professionals have found no evidence for the existence of rainbow parties, and as such attribute the spread of the stories to a moral panic.[9] OrgyEdit An orgy is a gathering where guests freely engage in open and unrestrained sexual activity or group sex; and a bunga bunga orgy is an orgy in which participants have sex underwater, such as in a swimming pool or a hot tub.[10] Sexual positions and combinations possible only in group sexEdit Main article: List of sex positions for group sex Initialism codesEdit Peter Fendi portrayed group sex in lithography, c. 1834 A system of initialisms has evolved to describe the variety of group sex arrangements. These codes can appear in erotic literature and film descriptions, member profiles in online communities, and personal ads. These codes consist of arrangements of the letters M (for male) and F (for female). Adjacent letters are sometimes used to signify sexual contact between the participants represented by those letters, though this does not necessarily mean there is no contact between the other participants. For example, MMF would signify a ménage à trois of two men and one woman in which the center male has sexual contact with the other male and the female, and in which it is not specified whether there is contact between the female and the other male. MFMF (situation pictured in photo to right), on the other hand, implies no same-sex contact. Variations on this system exist that use case to convey more information. Within the BDSM and D/s subcultures, upper and lower case letters can signify dominant (or top) and submissive (or bottom). Daisy chainEdit A daisy chain refers to sexual relations among three or more people, with each person both performing and receiving oral sex simultaneously.[11] Some sources consider only groups of five or more people to be a daisy chain.[12] Self-evidently, for a closed daisy chain to be entirely heterosexual there must be an even number of participants with equal numbers of males and females. An odd number of participants would result in two people having to connect "both ways" to complete the chain.[13][14] Thus, in an “erotic foursome or partie-carrée”, “two couples ... form a chain or Maltese cross carefully alternating man and woman”.[15] "The matter of ... erotic or spintrian chains ("daisy-chains")",[16] i.e, "of "spintries" or erotic human chains, ... has been taken to ... permutational development in the appendix of postures to the well-known Manual of Classical Erotology (1824) of the Fichtean philosopher, Friedrich Karl Forberg, and in a Swedish work, Ju fler vi är tillsammans (“The More the Merrier”), by a schoolteacher, Ragnar Aaslund, published in 1966 and intended frankly as a manual of group-sex."[17] BukkakeEdit Main article: Bukkake Bukkake is a group sex practice where multiple men ejaculate onto the face or body of a female or male subject. At the end of the process, the subject may drink the semen, called gokkun. Its first filming is credited to adult filmmaker Kazuhiko Matsumoto in 1998. Bukkake originally became a pornography trend because of the mandatory porn mosaic in Japan. Since the directors could not show penetration they had to figure out new, visually appealing ways to approach sex acts that would satisfy the audience without violating Japanese law. HealthEdit As with all sexual activity, the relative risks of group sex depend on the specific activities engaged in, although having a large number of sexual partners increases one's risk of exposure to sexually transmitted infections (STIs). From the mid-1980s there was lobbying against gay bathhouses blaming them for the spread of STIs, in particular HIV, and this forced their closure in some jurisdictions, particularly in the United States.[18][19] Sociologist Stephen O. Murray, writes that, "there was never any evidence presented that going to bathhouses was a risk-factor for contracting AIDS."[20] In other countries, fears about the spread of STIs have prompted the closing of bathhouses—with their private rooms—in favour of sex clubs, in which all sexual activity takes place in the open, and can be observed by monitors whose job it is to enforce safer sex practices.[21] Proponents point out that venues where group sex takes place often provide condoms, dental dams, latex gloves, lubricants and other items for safer sex. Bathhouses in particular are a major source of safer sex information—they provide pamphlets and post safer sex posters prominently (often on the walls of each room as well as in the common areas), provide free condoms and lubricants, and often require patrons to affirm that they will only have safer sex on the premises.[22][23][24][25] Corporate involvementEdit A 1996 sexual harassment case filed against Mitsubishi Motor Manufacturing of America by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) highlighted corporate involvement by Mitsubishi in sex parties arranged by managers and other employees.[26] In the mediaEdit Sensational media reports about the prevalence of sex parties, especially among young people, appear with some regularity. In the early 1950s, for example, it was alleged that teenage girls, mainly throughout the Southern and Midwestern United States were forming "non-virgin clubs", in which they organized and held sex orgies with reports of couples being paired off by drawing numbers from a hat. These claims were investigated and debunked.[27][28][29][30] Several stories of this type arose in the US in 2003. In New York, rumors began that teens had been taking days off from school to attend "hooky parties" while their parents were at work. One school even suspended a group of girls for allegedly skipping school to attend such a party. They were refused the right to return to school until each had submitted to a medical examination for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy and school officials were allowed to examine the results. The New York Civil Liberties Union filed a federal lawsuit against the school[31] on behalf of the girls and won a settlement which included monetary damages and a change in the school district's policy.[32] Similar stories concerning teenagers using gel bracelets as coupons or signals for sex also arose at the time, with a similar lack of corroborating evidence.[33] See alsoEdit Bacchanalia List of sex positions for group sex Orgia (ancient Greek rite) Orgy NotesEdit ^ Forberg, Friedrich Karl (1963). Manual of classical erotology (De figuris Veneris). Medical Press of New York. p. 233. ^ Howell, Teresa M.; Cooper, Barry S.; Williams, Kevin M.; Spetch, Ashley; Yuille, John C. "The Association Between Sexual Fantasies, Behaviors and Pornography in Undergraduates - Poster presented at the 112th annual meeting of the American Psychological Association" (PDF). ^ Daly, Susan (Jun 26, 2010). "Is your teen sending secret sex signals?". Irish Independent. Retrieved 16 November 2010. ^ Bergstrand, Curtis; Blevins Williams, Jennifer (2000-10-10). "Today's Alternative Marriage Styles: The Case of Swingers". Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality 3. Retrieved 2010-01-24. ^ "Advice on Swingers' Clubs". Swinging Heaven. Retrieved 5 October 2012. ^ Wojick, Helen (Sep 2011). "What is a Swinger?". The Swinger Blog. Retrieved April 15, 2012. ^ from the Lifestyle Definitions page on Swinger Social Network ^ Bell, Robert (1971). Social Deviance: A Substantive Analysis. University of Michigan: Dorsey Press. p. 74. ISBN 978-0-256-01663-5. ^ a b c Lewin, Tamar (June 30, 2005). "Are These Parties for Real?". The New York Times. Retrieved August 27, 2009. ^ http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-11-07/silvio-berlusconis-bunga-bunga-parties/ Berlusconi’s "Bunga Bunga Orgies"—Daily Beast 7 November 2010 ^ A dictionary of slang: D ^ The Swinging Life - Vocabulary ^ "Are teen sex antics tall tales?". BBC News. 28 April 2005. Retrieved 2006-12-18. ^ Nigel Hawkes and Sam Lister (28 April 2005). "Teenage ‘daisy chain’ sex alert". The Times. Retrieved 2006-12-18. ^ Legman 1969, p. 307 ^ Legman 1969, p. 304 ^ Legman 1969, p. 305 ^ Gross, Jane (October 14, 1985). "Bathhouses reflect AIDS concerns". The New York Times. Retrieved 26 December 2006. At the St. Marks Baths, for the price of a locker or a room, patrons now get a free condom, enclosed in a package that bears the legend the contents of this envelope could save your life. ^ (Woods & Binson 2003) ^ (Murray 1996) ^ Woods, William J.; Diane Binson (2003). Gay Bathhouses and Public Health Policy. Haworth Press, ISBN 1-56023-273-0. ISBN 978-1-56023-273-5. Retrieved 10 July 2008. ^ Westerfelt, Alex (August 2005). "Bathhouse Norms: What goes on in the Bathhouse?". Healthy Living. Archived from the original on February 20, 2012. Retrieved 10 July 2008. ^ Bernstein, Sharon (March 23, 2004). "Rising Rate of HIV Infection Renews Bathhouse Debate". Los Angeles Times. Retrieved 10 July 2008. ^ "NHS to hold STI testing in gay sauna". Pink News. October 15, 2007. Retrieved 21 October 2009. ^ "QX journal article". QX Magazine London (QX) (758): 44. September 17, 2009. Retrieved 25 October 2009. ^ "Equal Employment Opportunity Commission v. Mitsubishi Motor Manufacturing of America Inc.", Adam J. Conti, LLC, Filing 96-1192, September 15, 1997 ^ Morin, Relmin (August 26, 1951). "'Non-Virgin Club' New Aspect of Teen-age Sex Misbehavior". Eugene Register-Guard. Retrieved 19 October 2012. ^ Cahn, Susan (2007). Sexual Reckonings: Southern Girls in a Troubling Age. Cambridge, MA. Harvard University Press. (p. 199) ISBN 978-0-674-02452-6 ^ Peril, Lynn (2002). Pink Think: Becoming a Woman in Many Uneasy Lessons. New York. W.W. Norton & Company Inc. (pp. 100-101) ISBN 0-393-32354-4 ^ "Mattoon, Illinois History 1950-1959". mattoonhistory.home.mschsi.com. Retrieved 2012-10-19. ^ "NYCLU Sues New York School Officials for Forcing Teen-Age Girls to Undergo Intrusive Medical Exams" (July 8, 2003). aclu.org. Retrieved February 2, 2007. ^ nyclu.org/case/doe-and-roe-v-reid ^ Mikkelson, Barbara (2003). "Sex Bracelets". snopes.com. Retrieved December 22, 2005. ReferencesEdit Legman, Gershon (1969). Oragenitalism : Oral Techniques in Genital Excitation. New York: The Julian Press Inc. Partridge, Burgo (1960). A History of Orgies. Talese, Gay (1980). Thy Neighbor's Wife. Adkins, Lesley and Adkins, Roy A. (1998). Handbook to Life in Ancient Greece ISBN 0-19-512491-X Alexander, Timothy Jay (2007). Hellenismos Today ISBN 978-1-4303-1427-1 Alexander, Timothy Jay (2007). A Beginner's Guide to Hellenismos ISBN 978-1-4303-2456-0 Burnet, John (2005). Early Greek Philosophy ISBN 1402197535 Dillon, Matthew (2002). Girls and Women in Classical Greek Religion ISBN 0-415-20272-8 Maffesoli, Michel (1993). The shadow of Dionysus: a contribution to the sociology of the orgy ISBN 978-0-7914-1239-8 Persson, Martin (1970). The Minoan-Mycenaean Religion and Its Survival in Greek Religion ISBN 0-8196-0273-6 Wilson, Nigel Guy Wilson (2005.) Encyclopedia of Ancient Greece ISBN 0-415-97334-1 Primetime May 18, 2006 "What Parents Don't Know About Their Teen Daughters' Sex Lives" (part of "The Secret Life of Teens") Primetime, July 21, 2005 Weill, Sabrina (2006). The Real Truth About Teens and Sex: From Hooking Up to Friends with Benefits – What Teens Are Thinking, Doing, and Talking About, and How to Help Them Make Smart Choices. New York: Perigee. ISBN 978-0-399-53280-1. External linksEdit Weinberg, Martin S.; Williams, Colin J. (December 1975). "Gay Baths and the Social Organization of Impersonal Sex". Social Problems 23 (2): 124–136. doi:10.1525/sp.1975.23.2.03a00020. JSTOR 799651. Read in another language Last edited 12 days ago by Nin-5H ® MobileDesktop Content is available under CC BY-SA 3.0 unless otherwise noted. Terms of UsePrivacy

70 LOVE EXPRESSIONS

LOVE IS A GAME THAT TWO CAN PLAY AND BOTH WIN – EVA GABOR

LOVE IS THAT CONDITION IN WHICH THE HAPPINESS OF ANOTHER PERSON IS ESSENTIAL TO YOUR OWN - ROBERT A. HEINLEIN

LOVE IS LIKE THE WIND, YOU CAN'T SEE IT BUT YOU CAN FEEL IT - NICHOLAS SPARKS

THE GREATER THE LOVE, THE GREATER THE TRAGEDY WHEN IT'S OVER - NICHOLAS SPARKS

THERE IS ALWAYS SOME MADNESS IN LOVE. BUT THERE IS ALSO ALWAYS SOME REASON IN MADNESS - FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

LOVE IS NOT WHAT THE MIND THINKS BUT WHAT THE HEART FEELS – GREG EVANS

TO LOVE FOR THE SAKE OF BEING LOVED IS HUMAN, BUT TO LOVE FOR THE SAKE OF LOVING IS ANGELIC – ALPHONSE DE LEMARTINE

DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND THE MONEY WILL FOLLOW – MARSHA SINETAR

LIFE HAS TAUGHT US THAT LOVE DOES NOT CONSIST IN GAZING AT EACH OTHER, BUT LOOKING OUTWARD TOGETHER IN THE SAME DIRECTION – ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY

BE GLAD OF LIFE BECAUSE IT GIVES YOU THE CHANCE TO LOVE, TO WORK, TO PLAY AND TO LOOK UP AT THE STARS – HENRY VAN DYKE

LOVE AND EGGS ARE BEST WHEN THEY ARE FRESH - RUSSIAN PROVERB

LOVE MAKES THE TIME PASS. TIME MAKES LOVE PASS – FRENCH PROVERB

A WOMAN WHO PRETENDS TO LAUGH AT LOVE IS LIKE A CHILD WHO SINGS AT NIGHT WHEN HE IS AFRAID – ANONYMOUS

CHILDREN NEED LOVE, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY DON'T DESERVE IT – ANONYMOUS

HE WHO TRIES TO FORGET A WOMAN, NEVER LOVED HER – ANONYMOUS

IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST, THAN TO HAVE HATED AND WON – ANONYMOUS

IT'S MUCH EASIER TO TURN A FRIENDSHIP INTO LOVE, THAN LOVE INTO FRIENDSHIP – ANONYMOUS

LONELY IS A MAN WITHOUT LOVE – ANONYMOUS

LOVE CAN CURE HEARTBREAKS, MISFORTUNE, OR TRAGEDY. IT IS THE ETERNAL COMPANION – ANONYMOUS

LOVE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT YOU ARE EXPECTING TO GET, IT'S WHAT YOU ARE EXPECTED TO GIVE ? WHICH IS EVERYTHING – ANONYMOUS

NO ONE IN LOVE IS FREE, OR WANTS TO BE – ANONYMOUS

REMEMBER THAT GREAT LOVE AND GREAT ACHIEVEMENTS INVOLVE GREAT RISK – ANONYMOUS

SOMETIMES A NEW LOVE COMES BETWEEN OLD FRIENDS. SOMETIMES THE BEST LOVE WAS THE ONE THAT WAS ALWAYS THERE – ANONYMOUS

THE HEART THAT LOVES IS ALWAYS YOUNG – ANONYMOUS

TO BE LOVED IS TO LIVE FOREVER IN SOMEONE'S HEART – ANONYMOUS

WE CAN DO NO GREAT THING, ONLY SMALL THINGS, WITH GREAT LOVE – ANONYMOUS

WE MAY GIVE WITHOUT LOVING, BUT WE CANNOT LOVE WITHOUT GIVING – ANONYMOUS

WHERE WE LOVE IS TRULY HOME; HOME THAT OUR FEET MAY LEAVE, BUT NOT OUR HEARTS – OLIVER WINDELL HOLMES

WITHOUT LOVE INTELLIGENCE IS DANGEROUS; WITHOUT INTELLIGENCE LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH – ANONYMOUS

THINGS ARE BEAUTIFUL IF YOU LOVE THEM - JEAN ANOUILH

LOVE SHOULD BE A VEHICLE ALLOWED TO TRAVEL WITHOUT LIMITATIONS - MARVIN J. ASHTON

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LOVE AND BE WISE - FRANCIS BACON

TRUE LOVE IS WHEN YOUR HEART AND YOUR MIND ARE SAYING THE SAME THING – LEANNA L. BARTRAM

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF, BUT CHOOSE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD - LOUISE BEAL

WE NEVER KNOW THE LOVE OF OUR PARENTS FOR US TILL WE HAVE BECOME PARENTS -HENRY WARD BEECHER

THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO IN THE WORLD ARE TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT, SOMETHING TO DRINK AND SOMEBODY TO LOVE YOU - BRENDAN BEHAN

LOVE LOOKS THROUGH A TELESCOPE; ENVY, THROUGH A MICROSCOPE - JOSH BILLINGS

AFTER OBSERVING THE LOVED AND THE UNLOVED, WE FOUND THE LOVED ONES RARELY TRIED TO MANIPULATE OTHERS - W. W. BROADBENT, MD, PHD

WHERE THERE IS GREAT LOVE, THERE ARE ALWAYS MIRACLES - WILLA SIBERT CATHER

BETTER TO LOVE AMISS THAN NOTHING TO HAVE LOVED - GEORGE CRABBE

OVERCOME THE DEVILS WITH A THING NAMED LOVE – BOB MARLEY

WHEN YOU SIT WITH A NICE GIRL FOR TWO HOURS, YOU THINK IT’S ONLY A MINUTE. BUT WHEN YOU SIT ON A HOT STOVE FOR A MINUTE, YOU THINK ITS TWO HOURS. THAT’S RELATIVITY – ALBERT EINSTEIN

LOVE IS COMPOSED OF A SINGLE SOUL INHABITING TWO BODIES – ARISTOTLE

THOUSANDS OF CANDLES CAN BE LIGHTED FROM A SINGLE CANDLE, AND THE LIFE OF THE CANDLE WILL NOT BE SHORTENED. HAPPINESS NEVER DECREASES BY BEING SHARED – BUDDHA

HATRED DOES NOT CEASE BY HATRED, BUT ONLY BY LOVE; THIS IS THE ETERNAL RULE – BUDDHA

EVER HAS IT BEEN THAT LOVE KNOWS NOT ITS OWN DEPTH UNTIL THE HOUR OF SEPARATION – KAHLIL GIBRAN

LIFE WITHOUT LOVE IS LIKE A TREE WITHOUT BLOSSOM AND FRUIT – KAHLIL GIBRAN

IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY, LET THEM GO, FOR IF THEY RETURN, THEY WERE ALWAYS YOURS. AND IF THEY DON’T, THEY NEVER WERE – KAHLIL GIBRAN

MY FATHER ALWAYS TOLD ME, "FIND A JOB YOU LOVE AND YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORK A DAY IN YOUR LIFE." - JIM FOX

LOVE AND COUGH, CANNOT BE HID – GEORGE HERBERT  LOVE IS ABSOLUTE LOYALTY. PEOPLE FADE, LOOKS FADE, BUT LOYALTY NEVER FADES. YOU CAN DEPEND SO MUCH ON CERTAIN PEOPLE – SYLVESTER STALLONE

IF YOU WOULD BE LOVED, LOVE AND BE LOVABLE – BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE NEVER DID RUN SMOOTH – WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

THERE IS ONE HAPPINESS IN LIFE—TO LOVE AND BE LOVED – GEORGE SAND

WHEN YOU’RE IN LOVE YOU CAN’T FALL ASLEEP BECAUSE REALITY IS FINALLY BETTER THAN YOUR DREAMS – DR. SEUS

YOU COME TO LOVE NOT BY FINDING THE PERFECT PERSON, BUT BY SEEING AN IMPERFECT PERSON PERFECTLY – SAM KEEN

THE BEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD CANNOT BE SEEN OR EVEN TOUCHED. THEY MUST BE FELT WITH THE HEART – HELLEN KELLER

IN DREAMS AND IN LOVE THERE ARE NO IMPOSSIBILITIES – JANOS ARNAY

DO I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL, OR ARE YOU BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE I LOVE YOU? – OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN II

WHERE THERE IS LOVE THERE IS LIFE – MOHANDAS K. GANDHI

IN THE ARTHMETIC OF LOVE, ONE PLUS ONE EQUALS EVERYTHING, AND TWO MINUS ONE EQUALS NOTHINGS – MIGNON MCLAUGHLIN

THE HARDEST THING TO DO IS WATCH THE ONE YOU LOVE, LOVES SOMEONE ELSE – ANONYMOUS

IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME KNOW. IF NOT, PLEASE LET ME GO – ANONYMOUS

FALLING IN LOVE IS AWFULLY SIMPLE, BUT FALLING OUT OF LOVE IS SIMPLY AWFUL – ANONYMOUS

LOVE IS AN EMOTION EXPERIENCED BY THE MANY AND ENJOYED BY THE FEW – GEORGE JEAN NATHAN

LOVE IS AS MUCH AN OBJECT AS AN OBSESSION, EVERYBODY WANTS IT, EVERYBODY SEEKS IT, BUT FEW EVER ACHIEVE IT, THOSE WHO DO WILL CHERISH IT, BE LOST IN IT, AND AMONG ALL, NEVER FORGET IT – CURTIS JUDALET

WHEN THE POWER OF LOVE OVERCOMES THE LOVE OF POWER, THEN THERE WILL BE TRUE PEACE - SRI CHIN MOI GOSH

IT IS NOT A LACK OF LOVE, BUT A LACK OF FRIENDSHIP THAT MAKES UNHAPPY MARRIAGES - FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

LIFE IS LIKE A PHONE CALL WITH A LOVED ONE. WHEN IT IS CUT SHORT, WE REALIZE HOW MUCH OF IT WE HAVE WASTED - KLBSEAGUL

BEING DEEPLY LOVED BY SOMEONE GIVES YOU STRENGHT, WHILE LOVING SOMEONE DEEPLY GIVES YOU COURAGE - LAO TZU

ESSENTIAL EXPRESSIONS

Essential Expresions

1.GREETING

+Hello!
+Hi !
+Good morning!
+Good day!
+Good afternoon!
+ Good evening!
+Good night!
+How are you?
+How are things?
+How are things at home?
+How's life?
+How do you do?
+ How are you getting on?
+How are you keeping?
+How's life treating you?
+ What are you up to these days?
+ Very well ,thank you.
+Fine, thanks.
+ Pretty well,thanks.
+ Good thanks.
+ O.K.thanks.
+Not so bad,thanks.
+Allow me to introduce my self.
+ My name is..........
+ May I introduce you to.........
+ Do you know each other?
+ Have you met before?
+ I' m glad to see you.
+ It' s a pleasure to meat you.
+ I didn' t expect to see you here?
+ I haven' t seen you for along time.
+What are surprise to see you!
+We must keep in touch.
+ Don' t forget us.
+ How is your  father ( mother. sister)?
+ Is he all right?
+ Well, what is it?
+ What's wrong?
+ What's the matter?
+ Is anything happened?
+ What happened?
+ What brings you here?

Essential Expressions

2 .CONGRATULATIONS

+Happy new year!
+Happy feast   Day!
+Happy anniversary!
+Many happy returns of of the day!
+Marry Christmas!
+Happy Birtday!
+Have a nice sleep!
+Have a nice dream!
+Have a good trip!
+Congratulations!
+Congratulations on passing your exams!
+Congratulations on your success!
+Congratulations on the birth of your son.
+Congratulations on your promotion.
+Congratulations on getting a new job.
+Congratulations to you.
+Congratulations on your getting tittle.
+Congratulations on your appointment as president.
+Congratulations on your nomination as a captain.
+Congratulations on your escape.
+I convey my congratulations to you.
+Please accept my congratulations.
+My heartiest congratulations to you.
+Congratulations on your passing in your written examinations.
+Congratulations on your appointment as a main director.
+Congratulations on your success a proffessor.

Essential Expressions

3. PARTINGS

+Good bye! Bey Bey !
+Cheerio(h)!
+So long !
+See you.
+See you later.
+See you soon.
+See you around.
+See you tonight.
+See you tomorrow morning.
+Till we meet again.
+Good luck.
+Best of luck.
+God bless you! Bless you !
+May God bless you.
+Remember me to Ongso.
+Give my love yo Nora.
+Give my regards to him.
+Please remember me to your mother.
+Please give my kind regards to your sister.
+Please send my best love to your aunt.

Essential Expression

4.EXCUSES
+ I'm sorry.
+I'm so sorry.
+ Please pardon me.
+I beg your pardon.
+May excused?
+For get it!
+ I'm sorry you're ill.
+I'm sorry for you.
+For give me,please.

MENARA KUDUS

Menara Kudus Mosque The unique Hindu-Buddhist Majapahit style minaret of the Kudus Mosque with the Mogul-style building. The Menara Kudus Mosque or Al-Aqsha Mosque is located in Kudus in the Indonesian province of Central Java. Dating from 1549, it is one of the oldest mosques in Indonesia, built at the time of Islam's spread through Java.

[1] The mosque preserves the tomb of Sunan Kudus, one of the nine Islamic saints of Java (the Wali Sanga), and it is a popular pilgrimage point.

[2] Architecture It preserves pre-Islamic architectural forms such as old Javanese split doorways, ancient Hindu-Buddhist influenced Majapahit-style red brickwork, and a three-tired pyramindal roof.

[2] The most unusual feature is the brick minaret on which a pavilion shelters a large skin drum (bedug) which is used to summon the faithful to prayer instead of the more common muezzin. Whereas a bedug normally hangs under the eaves of a mosque verandah, in the Kudus Mosque it sits in a tower like a Balinese Hindu temple kul-kul or signal drum used to warn of impending attack, fire, or communal event. No other mosque in Java is known to have a drum tower of this type.

[3] In front of the minaret and around the compound are walls and gateways in the old candi bentar (split gate) and kori agung (main gate) styles. Inside are two gateways—a smaller, inner gate with relief panels on either side similar to those found in Mantingan, and an outer gate that is reminiscent of the 14th-century Bajang Ratu gate at Trowulan. Other pre-Islamic touches include 8 kala[disambiguation needed]-head water spouts in the ablution area and Ming procelain plates set in the walls.

[3] The pre-Islamic elements suggest the complex has incorporated a pre-existing Hindu-Javanese structure. The mosque has been rebuilt several times removing evidence of what the original structure looked like. The Majapahit style gates, walls, and minaret that appear so incongruous today may have blended more harmoniously with the main structure (which probably had a meru roof supported by large pillars, as in Cirebon and Demak).

[3] The peaked roof is a 1920s renovation with terracotta tiles replacing wooden tiles, with glass windows inserted between the roof tiers.

The roof is topped with a mastaka crown roof element.

[2] An inscription over the mihrab says the mosque was founded by Ja'far Shodiq in AH 956 (AD 1549). He is believed to be the venerated Sunan Kudus one of the nine Islamic saints of Java (Wali Sanga) who lies buried in an elaborately carved mausoleum behind the mosque.
[3) The complex includes a Mogul-style mosque with a silvery onion-dome and concrete pillars.
[3] The tower and domed mosque main building.
The bedug drum in the pavilion atop the menara (minaret). Majapahit style split gate and red brickwork Mosque gate (Pintu gerbang) Cemetery (Makam) See alsoEdit Indonesian architecture Mosques in Indonesia External linksEdit 25 images at archnet.

References

Turner, Peter (November 1995). Java. Melbourne: Lonely Planet. pp. 78–79. ISBN 0-86442-314-4. ^ a b c Schoppert, P., Damais, S., Java Style, 1997, Didier Millet, Paris, p. 207, ISBN 962-593-232-1 ^ a b c d e Miksic, John. in Java - Periplus Adventure Guide. Periplus Editions 1997. pp. 246-247 ISBN 962-593-244-5 ^ Ricklefs, M.C. (1991). A History of Modern Indonesia since c.1300, 2nd Edition. London: MacMillan. p. 38. ISBN 0-333-57689-6.

SUNAN KUDUS

Sunan Kudus

Sunan Kudus (or Ja'far Shadiq, died 1550), founder of Kudus, is considered to be one of the Wali Sanga of Java, Indonesia He is said to have originated the wayang golek,[1] and founded the masjid at Kudus using (it is said) the doors from the palace of Majapahit.

He was born Jaafar As-Sadiq, the son of Sunan Ngudung and Syarifah (sibling of Sunan Bonang), thus the grandson of Sunan Ampel. It is said that he was a son of an Egyptian sultan who migrated to Java. In the Sultanate of Demak, he was appointed commander of the army. He went forth with Sultan Prawata, battling against Adipati Jipang, Arya Penangsang.

He learned a lot from Sunan Kalijaga and apply most of the methods in dawah taught by Kalijaga. Kudus then fled to Central Java to the most empty place there such as Sragen, Simo and also Gunung Kidul. He was so tolerant to the local culture and even more softer than the other wali up to the point that if someone said to have be having difficulty making dawah in Kudus they will refer back to Sunan Kudus as the most successful person in this area. He makes good use of the symbols appeared in Hinduism and Buddhism and manifested it into architecture especially mosques, minarets, entrance gates and ablutions symbolizing the Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhism. On one occasion he deliberately called the locals to listen to his sermon by tying his cow named "Sapi Gumarang" in the mosque courtyard, the Hindus whom revered cows as their deity soon became sympathetic after listening to the explanation made by him in Sura al-Baqara. Up until then those people in Kudus refuse to slaughter bulls and cows because of their ancient beliefs in the sanctity of cows. Sunan Kudus also compiled stories on tawhid into series and made the crowd became enthusiastic in listening to those stories. This is the Javanese version of 1001 Arabian Nights prior to The Book of One Thousand and One Nights during the Abassid Caliphate.

VEGETARIAN PREGNANCY

A Vegetarian Pregnancy

Many vegetarian women worry about the effect their diet may have on their developing baby during pregnancy. However, with careful meal planning, there may be no need for concern. "Vegetarian diets during pregnancy can provide the mother and baby with all the proper nutrients they need," says Rachele Dependahl, RD, a dietitian at Cedars-Sinai Medical Group in Beverly Hills, Calif.

Dependahl, herself a pregnant "pescatarian" (a vegetarian who eats fish), worried that she would get carnivorous cravings during her pregnancy, but the opposite happened. "Meat has been more of a turnoff than it has been in the past," she says.

Pregnancy and the Vegetarian Diet

The Pros There are many positive aspects to maintaining a vegetarian diet during pregnancy. For instance, vegetarian sources of protein are easier on the kidneys. And being a vegetarian can help keep tooth decay — a common problem during pregnancy — at bay.

In addition, vegetarian eating, in general, lowers the risk of the following conditions: Obesity Hypertension Constipation Heart disease Type 2 diabetes Cancer Gallstones Another plus to being a vegetarian, says Martha K. Grodrian, RD, a nutrition therapist at Good Samaritan Hospital in Dayton, Ohio, is that "most vegetarian women eat fewer junk foods and a more nutritious diet.

" Pregnancy and the Vegetarian Diet
The Cons While maintaining a vegetarian diet during pregnancy can be a healthy option, it requires a little more effort.

"It may take more work and effective meal planning to follow a vegetarian diet that is healthy during pregnancy," says Grodrian.
"In general, the more foods a vegetarian omits from the diet, the more difficult it is to meet nutrient needs.

" However, dietary supplements may be able to fill the void.

A lacto-ovo vegetarian (one who also eats dairy and eggs) can get all the nutrients she needs for a healthy pregnancy through diet and a multivitamin/mineral supplement.

A vegan, on the other hand, who avoids all animal products, will need to take supplements of vitamin B12 and iron and might want to take calcium, zinc, and vitamin D, too.

Pregnancy and the Vegetarian Diet

Nutritional Guidelines Nutritional guidelines for pregnant vegetarians are the same as for non-vegetarian women who are expecting.

"All pregnant women need additional iron, calcium, folate, essential fatty acids such as DHA (which can be obtained in a vegetarian form), zinc, protein, and 200 to 300 calories more than pre-pregnancy," says Grodrian.

Specifically, pregnant vegetarians should consume the following: 6 to 11 servings per day of bread, cereal, rice, and pasta (choosing whole grain when possible) four to five servings per day of vegetables four or more servings of fruits eight servings of milk and milk alternatives (one cup of cooked kidney beans as a milk alternative, for instance) three to four servings of beans and bean alternatives two servings of omega-3 fats for DHA (found in flaxseed oil, walnuts, tofu, and omega-3 fortified eggs, among other places) Fats, sweets, and junk food should be eaten sparingly, and pregnant women should be careful to avoid the following foods: Unpasteurized soft cheeses (such as brie, Camembert, and feta) and unpasteurized milk, because they carry the risk of listeriosis (a food-borne illness caused by bacteria).

Raw vegetable sprouts and fresh unpasteurized fruit and vegetable juices, which can contain bacteria like E. coli and salmonella.

Even though it may take a little more effort, following a vegetarian diet while pregnant can be healthy. "My pescaterian diet has been easy to sustain," says Dependahl. "I have not faced any challenges, because I love eating vegetables, tofu, eggs, dairy, and fish."

THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING

Positive thinking is a mental attitude that admits into the mind thoughts, words and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success. It is a mental attitude that expects good and favorable results.

A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds. Many have heard it said that another person cannot make you happy. The happiness will come from within you. Being confident is a choice and it will produce positive emotions. There has been much research done on being in a positive state. It will produce a sense of well-being and has even proven to have multiple health benefits. Successful living today being positive will change your life.

The way that someone feels about themselves shows in the way they act. They always find funny things in everyday life that makes them and others happy. There is joy and cheerfulness that just rubs off on the people who are around them. The way they feel shows in their life because they are more relaxed and sleep better at night. They are not only physically assured but mentally as well. Most people have a spiritual connection that gives them the confident mindset in life.

People who have a confident mindset take full advantage of their work force. They go in everyday with a smile on their face and the confidence that they have the ability to handle anything that comes their way. Their ability to take responsibility and not to blame others when something goes wrong shows that they have a handle on life.

Negative emotions have no place with them on their way to success. Confidence is so much better than looking back and thinking of what could have been. Confident people are ones that you want to be around because they make the most of the present and look forward to the future. They are in awe of the beauty of nature and good things around them. This behavior comes from choosing the atmosphere that one is around. It is best to surround yourself with assured people that are upbeat and thinking good thoughts. Try to avoid negative news and thinking on unpleasant things. This will be to your advantage in building the blocks in your life of thinking of good wholesome thoughts.

Positive and negative thinking are both contagious. All of us affect, in one way or another, the people we meet. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference, and through body language. People sense our aura and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people and avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

Becoming a Positive Example to All Being positive, doing the right things and thinking the right things will produce the kind of behavior that is an example to all. It will be an encouragement to those around you and an example that they can follow. Watching your confident living will help those with negative tendencies to change the way they think. If it changes the course of their lives you have done a great thing. Being careful of the things we say also will manifest how we act. Our conversation should be complimentary and uplifting. Being tolerant of others is another advantage of being confident. We will not always be treated in the manner that is right. We are not responsible for the negative way that people treat us, but we are responsible for how we react to it.

A positive person will realize that sometimes people are a product of their environment. Maybe they didn't have all of the advantages that you did. The right thing to do is to act in a positive way. It is always positive to think of others. Contributing in positive ways leads to an eternal happiness.

5 Easy Ways to Be Healthier

5 Easy Ways to Be Healthier

More and more research is showing that the key to lifelong good health is what experts call “lifestyle medicine” — making simple changes in diet, exercise and stress management.
To help you turn that knowledge into results, we’ve put together this manageable list of health and wellness action steps.

We asked three experts — a naturopathic physician, a nutritionist, and a personal trainer — to tell us the top five simple-but-significant lifestyle-medicine changes they recommend. Besides giving you three different takes on how to pick your health battles, this list gives you choices you can make without being whisked off to a reality-show fat farm — or buying a second freezer for those calorie-controlled, pre-portioned frozen meals.

James Rouse, N.D. Naturopathic physician, triathlete, chef, author and host of TV’s “Optimum Wellness,” health-tip segments featured on NBC affiliates in several major cities.

1. Think positive and focus on gratitude Research shows a healthy positive attitude helps build a healthier immune system and boosts overall health. Your body believes what you think, so focus on the positive.

2. Eat your vegetables Shoot for five servings of vegetables a day — raw, steamed, or stir-fried. A diet high in vegetables is associated with a reduced risk of developing cancers of the lung, colon, breast, cervix, esophagus, stomach, bladder, pancreas and ovary. And many of the most powerful phytonutrients are the ones with the boldest colors — such as broccoli, cabbage, carrots, tomatoes, grapes and leafy greens.

3. Set a “5-meal ideal” What, when and how much you eat can keep both your metabolism and your energy levels steadily elevated, so you’ll have more all-day energy. A "5 meal ideal" will help you manage your weight, keep your cool, maintain your focus and avoid cravings.

4. Exercise daily Did you know that daily exercise can reduce all of the biomarkers of aging? This includes improving eyesight, normalizing blood pressure, improving lean muscle, lowering cholesterol and improving bone density. If you want to live well and live longer, you must exercise! Studies show that even 10 minutes of exercise makes a difference — so do something! Crank the stereo and dance in your living room. Sign up for swing dancing or ballroom-dancing lessons. Walk to the park with your kids or a neighbor you’d like to catch up with. Jump rope or play hopscotch. Spin a hula hoop. Play water volleyball. Bike to work. Jump on a trampoline. Go for a hike.

5. Get at good night's sleep If you have trouble sleeping, try relaxation techniques such as meditation and yoga. Or eat a small bedtime snack of foods shown to help shift the body and mind into sleep mode: whole grain cereal with milk, oatmeal, cherries or chamomile tea. Darken your room more and turn your clock away from you. Write down worries or stressful thoughts to get them out of your head and onto the page. This will help you put them into perspective so you can quit worrying about them.

DIET FOR HEART HEALTH

Diet for Heart Health

Get Plenty of Fiber Fiber can help lower cholesterol levels and reduce the risk of diabetes (a risk factor for heart disease) and certain types of cancer. “We recommend about 25 grams of fiber a day, for men a bit more. It’s based on your weight,” Young says. “Most Americans eat much, much less than that. If you follow a good diet, you’ll get enough, but so many of us don’t.”

The best way to include fiber in your diet is to eat a variety of whole grains and a mixture of fruits and veggies that have both soluble and insoluble fiber. Soluble fiber helps clear out cholesterol from your bloodstream. Good sources of soluble fiber include oatmeal, barley, dried beans, and peas; insoluble fiber is found in vegetables like beets and brussels sprouts, as well as whole-grain bread.

Diet for Heart Health: The Role of Carbohydrates Carbohydrates should be 50 to 60 percent of your diet.

In addition to fresh fruits and vegetables, get your carbohydrates from legumes, whole-grain breads and pastas, and brown rice. Carbohydrates from these sources are considered good because they offer you nutrients, vitamins, and fiber, in addition to the calories.

However, Young explains that carbohydrates are often vehicles for saturated fats like butter, sour cream, cream cheese, and dips and spreads. That’s not good news because saturated fat increases your LDL, or “bad,” cholesterol. So you want to watch what you put on your carbs, and how much of them you eat. Eat the right carbs and the right fats.

While too much LDL cholesterol is bad news, replacing all the fat in your diet with carbohydrates is not the answer either. “A diet too high in carbs and too low in fats will decrease the HDL cholesterol,” says Young. The HDL cholesterol, found in certain good (non-saturated) fats, is actually good for your heart. Understand the role of triglycerides.

Fruits and vegetables contain carbohydrates and are jam-packed with nutrients that your body needs. Other simple carbohydrates, like breads, cakes, and cookies made from white, refined flour, have less nutritional value. After we eat, our bodies turn carbohydrates, fats, and protein into triglycerides, the chemical that our cells use to give us energy. We need some triglycerides to fuel us throughout the day. But too much of this chemical has been found to increase the risk of heart disease. “It depends on the type of carb,” Young says. “White bread, for instance, elevates the triglycerides.”

Diet for Heart Health: Vitamins for the Heart While many people swear by vitamins and supplements, there’s not much evidence to support the idea that any particular vitamin is good for the heart. “There was a lot of talk about vitamin E, and it didn’t really pan out,” Young says, “and the folates, B-6, B-12 — these vitamins didn’t pan out either.” “As they say, there are no quick fixes and no miracles,” Young adds. Most of us can get all the nutrients our hearts need from a well-balanced diet — full of fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.

THE FRENSHIP TEST

THE FRIENDSHIP TEST

One of the oldest pieces of relationship advice in the book is, “You and your partner should be best friends.” Most people look at that piece of advice in the positive: I should spend time with my partner like I do my best friend; I should communicate openly with my partner like I do with my best friend; I should have fun with my partner like I do with my best friend.

But people should also look at it in the negative: Would you tolerate your partner’s negative behaviors in your best friends Amazingly, when we ask ourselves this question honestly, in most unhealthy and codependent relationships, the answer is “no.” I know a young woman who just got married.

She was madly in love with her husband. And despite the fact that he had been “between jobs” for more than a year, showed no interest in planning the wedding, often ditched her to take surfing trips with his friends, and her friends and family raised not-so-subtle concerns about him, she happily married him anyway.

But once the emotional high of the wedding wore off, reality set in.

A year into their marriage, he’s still “between jobs,” he trashes the house while she’s at work, gets angry if she doesn’t cook dinner for him, and any time she complains he tells her that she’s “spoiled” and “arrogant.” Oh, and he still ditches her to take surfing trips with his friends. And she got into this situation because she ignored all three of the harsh truths above.

She idealized love. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship compatibility. It didn’t. When her friends and family raised concerns leading up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems eventually.
It didn’t. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming shit heap, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself even more to make it work.
And the truth is, it won’t.

Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships? Imagine if your best friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent, demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you complained.

That friendship would be over faster than Paris Hilton’s acting career. Or another situation: a man’s girlfriend who was so jealous that she demanded passwords to all of his accounts and insisted on accompanying him on his business trips to make sure he wasn’t tempted by other women.

His life was practically under 24/7 surveillance and you could see it wearing on his self-esteem. His self-worth dropped to nothing. She didn’t trust him to do anything. So he quit trusting himself to do anything. Yet he stays with her! Why? Because he’s in love! Remember this: The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love.

You can fall in love with a wide variety of people throughout the course of your life. You can fall in love with people who are good for you and people who are bad for you.

You can fall in love in healthy ways and unhealthy ways. You can fall in love when you’re young and when you’re old.

Love is not unique. Love is not special. Love is not scarce. But your self-respect is. So is your dignity. So is your ability to trust. There can potentially be many loves throughout your life, but once you lose your self-respect, your dignity or your ability to trust, they are very hard to get back.

Love is a wonderful experience. It’s one of the greatest experiences life has to offer. And it is something everyone should aspire to feel and enjoy.

But like any other experience, it can be healthy or unhealthy. Like any other experience, it cannot be allowed to define us, our identities or our life purpose.

We cannot let it consume us. We cannot sacrifice our identities and self-worth to it.

Because the moment we do that, we lose love and we lose ourselves.

Because you need more in life than love. Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough.

THREE HARS TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE

THREE HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE

The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us.
These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Allow me to illustrate: 1. Love does not equal compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term.
Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well. It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness. That may sound paradoxical, but it’s true.

When I think of all of the disastrous relationships I’ve seen or people have emailed me about, many (or most) of them were entered into on the basis of emotion — they felt that “spark” and so they just dove in head first. Forget that he was a born-again Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac. It just felt right.

And then six months later, when she’s throwing his shit out onto the lawn and he’s praying to Jesus twelve times a day for her salvation, they look around and wonder, “Gee, where did it go wrong?

” The truth is, it went wrong before it even began.

When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said, you’re going to have a bad time.

2. Love does not solve your relationship problems.

My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other, had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless drama and fighting.

And every time we fought, we’d come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another and that none of those little things matter because we’re omg sooooooo in love and we’ll find a way to work it out and everything will be great, just you wait and see. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed.

As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse. Our inability to ever see each other hung around our necks like an albatross. We were both self-absorbed to the point where we couldn’t even communicate that effectively. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years! After all, love conquers all, right?

Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg being doused in jet fuel. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was this: while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems.

The roller coaster of emotions can be intoxicating, each high feeling even more important and more valid than the one before, but unless there’s a stable and practical foundation beneath your feet, that rising tide of emotion will eventually come and wash it all away.

3. Love is not always worth sacrificingyourself.

One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well. But the question that doesn’t get asked often enough is exactly what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it?

In loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great.

But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were. 

THE POWER OF LOVE

  The Power of Love

Love is the best antidepressant—but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.

Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen.It's not negotiable.

The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally.
The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.
It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life.

Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved.
Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love. There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them.
But love doesn't work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills. Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture.
We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet.
But the pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed. It's part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think it is love when it's simply distraction and infatuation.

One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.
It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life—to love and be loved.

Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation.
It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love.
Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance doesn't always evolve into love. Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you don't learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences. Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be because you will feel known and understood. There are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they don't distance you or kill the relationship.
You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both. Focus on the other person. Rather than focus on what you are getting and how you are being treated, read your partner's need. What does this person really need for his/her own well-being? This is a very tough skill for people to learn in our narcissistic culture. Of course, you don't lose yourself in the process; you make sure you're also doing enough self-care.
Help someone else. Depression keeps people so focused on themselves they don't get outside themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet their needs, the better you are going to do in love. Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality.

The loved one's reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying, what are they really needing? Depressed people think the only reality is their own depressed reality. Actively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy. Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self-esteem, every relationship blip is interpreted far too personally as evidence of inadequacy.

Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. But the rejection really originates in you, and the feelings of inadequacy are the depression speaking. Recognize that the internal voice is strong but it's not real. Talk back to it. "I'm not really being rejected, this isn't really evidence of inadequacy.
I made a mistake." Or "this isn't about me, this is something I just didn't know how to do and now I'll learn." When you reframe the situation to something more adequate, you can act again in an effective way and you can find and keep the love that you need.

CULTURE OF INDONESIA

Culture of Indonesia

The culture of Indonesia has been shaped by long interaction between original indigenous customs and multiple foreign influences. Indonesia is centrally-located along ancient trading routes between the Far East, South Asia and the Middle East, resulting in many cultural practices being strongly influenced by a multitude of religions, including Hinduism, Buddhism, Confucianism, Islam and Christianity, all strong in the major trading cities. The result is a complex cultural mixture very different from the original indigenous cultures. Examples of cultural fusion include the fusion of Islam with Hindu in Javanese Abangan belief, the fusion of Hinduism, Buddhism and animism in Bodha, and the fusion of Hinduism and animism in Kaharingan; others could be cited. Balinese dances have stories about ancient Budidhist and Hindu kingdoms, while Islamic art forms and architecture are present in Sumatra, especially in the Minangkabau and Aceh regions. Traditional art, music and sport are combined in a martial art form called Pencak Silat. Western culture has greatly influenced Indonesia in science, technology and modern entertainment such as television shows, film and music, as well as political system and issues. India has notably influenced Indonesian songs and movies. A popular type of song is the Indian-rhythmical dangdut, which is often mixed with Arab and Malay folk music. Despite the influences of foreign culture, some remote Indonesian regions still preserve uniquely indigenous culture. Indigenous ethnic groups Mentawai, Asmat, Dani, Dayak, Toraja and many others are still practising their ethnic rituals, customs and wearing traditional clothes.

Traditional performing arts Music

Music of Indonesia Gamelan player, Yogyakarta Indonesia is home to with those from the islands of Java, Sumatra and Bali being frequently recorded. The traditional music of central and East Java and Bali is the gamelan. On 29 June 1965, Koes Plus, a leading Indonesian pop group in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s, was imprisoned in Glodok, West Jakarta, for playing Western-style music. After the resignation of President Sukarno, the law was rescinded, and in the 1970s the Glodok prison was dismantled and replaced with a large shopping mall. Kroncong is a musical genre that uses guitars and ukulele as the main musical instruments. This genre had its roots in Portugal and was introduced by Portuguese traders in the 15th century. There is a traditional Keroncong Tugu music group in North Jakarta and other traditional Keroncong music groups in Maluku, with strong Portuguese influences. This music genre was popular in the first half of the 20th century; a contemporary form of Kroncong is called Pop Kroncong. Angklung musical orchestra, native of West Java, received international recognition as UNESCO has listed the traditional West Java musical instrument made from bamboo in the list of intangible cultural heritage.
The soft Sasando music from the province of East Nusa Tenggara in West Timor is completely different. Sasando uses an instrument made from a split leaf of the Lontar palm (Borassus flabellifer), which bears some resemblance to a harp.
Dance in Indonesia Balinese Topeng dance drama. Minangkabau Tari Piring (plate dance) Indonesian dance reflects the diversity of culture from ethnic groups that composed the nation of Indonesia. Austronesian roots and Melanesian tribal dance forms are visible, and influences ranging from neighbouring Asian countries; such as India, China, and Middle East to European western styles through colonisation. Each ethnic group has their own distinct dances; makes total dances in Indonesia are more than 3000 Indonesian original dances. However, the dances of Indonesia can be divided into three eras; the Prehistoric Era, the Hindu/Buddhist Era and the Era of Islam, and into two genres; court dance and folk dance. There is a continuum in the traditional dances depicting episodes from the Ramayana and Mahabharata from India, ranging through Thailand, all the way to Bali. There is a marked difference, though, between the highly stylised dances of the courts of Yogyakarta and Surakarta and their popular variations. While the court dances are promoted and even performed internationally, the popular forms of dance art and drama must largely be discovered locally. During the last few years, Saman from Nanggroe Aceh Darussalam has become rather popular and is often portrayed on TV. Reog Ponorogo is also a dance that originated from the district Ponorogo, East Java, which is a visualisation of the legendary story Wengker kingdom and the kingdom of Kediri. A popular line dance called Poco-poco was originated in Indonesia and also popular in Malaysia, but at early April 2011 Malaysian Islamic clerics banned the poco-poco dance for Muslims due to them believing it is traditionally a Christian dance and that its steps make the sign of the cross.Drama and theatre Pandava and Krishna in an act of the wayang wong performance. Wayang kulit performance. Wayang, the Javanese, Sundanese, and Balinese shadow puppet theatre shows display several mythological legends such as Ramayana and Mahabharata, and many more. Wayang Orang is Javanese traditional dance drama based on wayang stories. Various Balinese dance drama also can be included within traditional form of Indonesian drama. Another form of local drama is Javanese Ludruk and Ketoprak, Sundanese Sandiwara, and Betawi Lenong. All of these drama incorporated humor and jest, often involving audiences in theirperformance.
Randai is a folk theatre tradition of the Minangkabau people of West Sumatra, usually performed for traditional ceremonies and festivals. It incorporates music, singing, dance, drama and the silat martial art, with performances often based on semi-historical Minangkabau legends and love story. Modern performing art also developed in Indonesia with their distinct style of drama. Notable theatre, dance, and drama troupe such as Teater Koma are gain popularity in Indonesia as their drama often portray social and political satire of Indonesian society.

Indonesian martial arts and Pencak Silat Pencak Silat demonstration in Jakarta.
The art of silat was created and firstly developed in the islands of Java and Sumatra. It is an art for survival and practised throughout Indonesian archipelago. Centuries of tribal wars in Indonesian history had shaped silat as it was used by the ancient warriors of Indonesia. Silat was used to determine the rank and position in old Indonesian kingdoms. Contacts with Indians and Chinese was further enriched silat. Silat reached areas beyond Indonesia mainly through diaspora of Indonesian people. People from various regions like Aceh, Minangkabau, Riau, Bugis, Makassar, Java, Banjar, etc. moved into and settled in Malay Peninsula and other islands. They brought silat and passed it down to their descendants. The Indonesian of half-Dutch descent are also credited as the first to brought the art into Europe. Silat was used by Indonesian independence fighters during their struggle against the Dutch colonial rule. Unfortunately after Indonesia achieving their independence, silat became less popular among Indonesian youth compare to foreign martial arts like Karate and Taekwondo. This probably because silat was not taught openly and only passed down among blood relatives, the other reason is the lack of media portrayal of the art. Efforts have been made in recent years to introduce and reintroduce the beauty of silat to Indonesian youth and the world. Exhibitions and promotions by individuals as well as state-sponsored groups helped the growing of silat's popularity, particularly in Europe and United States. Indonesian 2009 Silat movie Merantau is one of Indonesian efforts to introduce silat to international scene. Another martial art from Indonesia is Tarung Derajat. It is a modern combat system created by Haji Ahmad Drajat based on his experience as a street fighter. Tarung Drajat has been acknowledge as a national sport by KONI in 1998 and is now used by Indonesian Army as part of their basic training. Traditional visual arts Painting See also: List of Indonesian painters Kenyah mural painting in Long Nawang, East Kalimantan. What Indonesian painting before the 19th century are mostly restricted to the decorative arts, considered to be a religious and spiritual activity, comparable to the pre-1400 European art. Artists' names are anonymous, since the individual human creator was seen as far less important than their creation to honour the deities or spirits. Some examples are the Kenyah decorative art, based on endemic natural motifs such as ferns and hornbills, found decorating the walls of Kenyah long houses. Other notable traditional art is the geometric Toraja wood carvings. Balinese painting are initially the narative images to depict scenes of Balinese legends and religious scripts. The classical Balinese paintings are often decorating the lontar manuscripts and also the ceilings of temples pavilion. The Arrest of Pangeran Diponegoro by Raden Saleh. Hunt by Raden Saleh. Balinese painting by I Ketut Ginarsa. Under the influence of the Dutch colonial power, a trend toward Western-style painting emerged in the 19th century. In the Netherlands, the term "Indonesian Painting" is applied to the paintings produced by Dutch or other foreign artists who lived and worked in the former Netherlands-Indies. The most famous indigenous 19th century Indonesian painter is Raden Saleh (1807–1877), the first indigenous artist to study in Europe. His art is heavily influenced by Romanticism.In 1920's Walter Spies began to settled in Bali, he is often credited with attracting the attention of Western cultural figures to Balinese culture and art. His works has somehow influenced Balinese artists and painters. Today Bali has one of the most vivid and richest painting tradition in Indonesia. The 1920s to 1940s were a time of growing nationalism in Indonesia. The previous period of romanticism movement was not seen as a purely Indonesian movement and did not developed. Painters began to see the natural world for inspiration. Some examples of Indonesian painter during this period are the Balinese Ida Bagus Made and the realist Basuki Abdullah. The Indonesian Painters Association (Persatuan Ahli-Ahli Gambar Indonesia or PERSAGI, 1938–1942) was formed during this period. PERSAGI established a contemporary art philosophy that saw art works as reflections of the artist’s individual or personal view as well as an expression of national cultural thoughts. From the 1940s on, artists started to mix Western techniques with Southeast Asian imagery and content. Painters that rooted in the revolutionary movement of the World War and the post-World War period started to appear during this period, such as Sudjojono, Affandi, and Hendra. During the 1960s, new elements were added when abstract expressionism and Islamic art began to be absorbed by the art community. Also during this period, group of painters that are more concerned about the reality of Indonesian society began to appear, taking inspiration from the social problem such as division between the rich and the poor, pollution, and deforestation. The national identity of Indonesia was stressed by these painters through the use of a realistic, documentary style. During the Sukarno period this socially-engaged art was officially promoted, but after 1965 it lost popularity due to its presumed communist tendenci Three art academies offer extensive formal training in visual art: Bandung Institute of Technology founded in 1947; the Akademi Seni Rupa Indonesia (Indonesian Fine Arts Academy) or ASRI, now known as ISI, in Yogyakarta was inaugurated in 1950; and the Institut Kesenian Jakarta (Jakarta Arts Institute) or IKJ, was opened in 1970. Sculpture Relief sculpture from Borobudur temple. Indonesia has a long history of stone, bronze and Iron Ages arts. The megalithic sculptures can be found in numerous archaeological sites in Sumatra, Java to Sulawesi. The native Indonesians tribes have their own distinct tribal sculpture styles, usually created to depict ancestors, deities and animals. The pre-Hindu-Buddhist and pre-Islamic sculptures can be traced in the artworks of indigenous Indonesian tribes. The most notable sculptures are those of Asmat wooden sculpture of Papua, the Dayak wooden mask and sculpture, the ancestral wooden statue of Toraja, also the totem-like sculpture of Batak and Nias tribe. The stone sculpture artform particularly flourished in 8th-to-10th-century Java and Bali, which demonstrate the influences of Hindu-Buddhist culture, both as stand-alone works of art and also incorporated into temples. Most notable sculpture of classical Hindu-Buddhist era of Indonesia are the hundreds of meters of relief and hundreds of stone buddhas at the temple of Borobudur in central Java. Approximately two miles of exquisite relief sculpture tell the story of the life of Buddha and illustrate his teachings. The temple was originally home to 504 statues of the seated Buddha. This site, as with others in central Java, show a clear Indian influence. The examples of notable Indonesian Hindu-Buddhist sculptures are; the statues of Hindu deities; Shiva, Vishnu, Brahma, Durga, Ganesha and Agastya enthroned in rooms of Prambanan temples, the Vishnu mounting Garuda statue of king Airlangga, the exquisite statue of Eastern Javanese Prajnaparamita and 3.7 meters tall Dvarapala dated from Singhasari period, and also the grand statue of Bhairava Adityawarman discovered in Sumatra. Today, the Hindu-Buddhist style stone sculptures are reproduced in villages in Muntilan near Borobudur also in Trowulan the former capital site of Majapahit in East Java, and Bali, and sold as garden or pool ornament statues for homes, offices and hotels. Today in Indonesia, the richest, most elaborate and vivid wooden sculpture and wood carving traditions can be found in Bali and Jepara, Central Java. Balinese handicrafts such as sculptures, masks, and other carving artworks are popular souvenir for tourist that have visited Indonesia. On the other hand, the Jepara wood carving are famous for its elaborately carved wooden furnitures, folding screens also pelaminan gebyok (wedding throne with carved background).

Indonesian architecture Minangkabau Rumah Gadang For centuries, the Indonesian vernacular architecture has shaped settlements in Indonesia which commonly took form of timber structures built on stilts dominated by large roof. The most dominant foreign influences on Indonesian architecture were Indian, although European influences have been particularly strong since the 19th century and modern architecture in Indonesia is international in scope. As in much of South East Asia, traditional vernacular architecture in Indonesia are built on stilts, with the significant exceptions of Java and Bali. Notable stilt houses are those of the Dayak people in Borneo, the Rumah Gadang of the Minangkabau people in western Sumatra, the Rumah Bolon of the Batak people in northern Sumatra, and the Tongkonan of the Toraja people in Sulawesi. Oversized saddle roofs with large eaves, such as the homes of the Batak and the tongkonan of Toraja, are often bigger than the house they shelter. The fronts of Torajan houses are frequently decorated with buffalo horns, stacked one above another, as an indication of status. The outside walls also frequently feature decorative reliefs. The 8th-century Borobudur temple near Yogyakarta is the largest Buddhist temple in the world, and is notable for incorporating about 2,672 relief panels and 504 Buddha statues into its structure, telling the story of the life of the Buddha. As the visitor ascends through the eight levels of the temple, the story unfolds, the final three levels simply containing stupas and statues of the Buddha. The building is said to incorporate a map of the Buddhist cosmos and is a masterful fusion of the didactic narrative relief, spiritual symbolism, monumental design and the serene meditative environs. The whole monument itself resembles a giant stupa, but seen from above it forms a mandala.The nearby 9th-century temple complex at Prambanan contains some of the best preserved examples of Hindu temple architecture in Java. The temple complex comprises eight main shrines, surrounded by 224 smaller shrines. The Indian influence on the site is clear, not only in the style of the monument, but also in the reliefs featuring scenes from the Ramayana which adorn the outer walls of the main temples, and in the votive statuary found within. Crafts Minangkabau songket . Hand drawn batik making Several Indonesian islands are famous for their batik, ikat and songket cloth. Once on the brink of disappearing, batik and later ikat found a new lease of life when former President Suharto promoted wearing batik shirts on official occasions. In addition to the traditional patterns with their special meanings, used for particular occasions, batik designs have become creative and diverse over the last few years. Other worldwide famous Indonesian crafts are Jepara wood carving and Kris. In 2005, UNESCO recognised Kris as one of Masterpiece of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity from Indonesia.
Indonesian literature Pramoedya Ananta Toer was Indonesia's most internationally celebrated author, having won the Magsaysay Award as well as being considered for the Nobel Prize in Literature. Other important figures include the late Chairil Anwar, a poet and member of the "Generation 45" group of authors who were active in the Indonesian independence movement. Tight information controls during Suharto's presidency suppressed new writing, especially because of its ability to agitate for social reform. In the book Max Havelaar, Dutch author Multatuli criticised the Dutch treatment of the Indonesians, which gained him international attention. Modern Indonesian authors include Seno Gumira Adjidarma, Andrea Hirata, Habiburrahman El Shirazy, Ayu Utami, Gus tf Sakai, Eka Kurniawan, Ratih Kumala, Dee, Oka Rusmini. Some of their works have translated into other languages. Poetry There is a long tradition in Indonesia, particularly among ethnically Malay populations, of extemporary, interactive, oral composition of poetry. These poems are referred to as pantun. Contemporary Indonesian poets include among others, Sutardji Calzoum Bachri, Rendra, Taufiq Ismail, Afrizal Malna,Binhad Nurrohmat, Joko Pinurbo, Sapardi Djoko Damono. Recreation and sports Main article: Sport in Indonesia Taufik Hidayat, 2004 Olympic gold medalist in badminton men's singles. Many traditional games are still preserved and popular in Indonesia, although western culture has influenced some parts of them. Among three hundred officially recognised Indonesian cultures, there are many kinds of traditional games: cockfighting in Bali, annual bull races in Madura, and stone jumping in Nias. Stone jumping involves leaping over a stone wall about up to 1.5 m high and was originally used to train warriors. Pencak Silat is another popular form of sport, which was influenced by Asian culture as a whole. Another form of national sport is sepak takraw.The rules are similar to volleyball: to keep the rattan ball in the air with the players' feet. Popular modern sports in Indonesia played at the international level include football (soccer), badminton and basketball.Badminton is one of Indonesia's most successful sports. Indonesian badminton athletes have played in Indonesia Open Badminton Championship, All England Open Badminton Championships, and many international events, including the Summer Olympics and won Olympic gold medals since badminton was made an Olympic sport in 1992. Rudy Hartono is a legendary Indonesian badminton player, who won All England titles seven times in a row (1968 through 1974). Indonesian teams have won the Thomas Cup (men's world team championship) thirteen of the twenty-two times that it has been contested since they entered the series in 1957.In the hugely internationally popular sport of football (soccer), Indonesian teams have been active in the Asian Football Confederation (AFC). Sporting events in Indonesia are organised by the Indonesian National Sport Committee (KONI). The Committee, along with the government of Indonesia, have set a National Sports Day on every 9 September with "Sports for All" as the motto.  .

Nasi goreng (fried rice), one of the most popular Indonesian dishes. Soto and Satay, together with Nasi Goreng are considered as Indonesian national dishes. The cuisine of Indonesia has been influenced by Chinese culture and Indian culture, as well as by Western culture. However, in return, Indonesian cuisine has also contributed to the cuisines of neighbouring countries, notably Malaysia and Singapore, where Padang or Minangkabau cuisine from West Sumatra is very popular. Also Satay (Sate in Indonesian), which originated from Java, Madura, and Sumatra, has gained popularity as a street vendor food from Singapore to Thailand. In the 15th century, both the Portuguese and Arab traders arrived in Indonesia with the intention of trading for pepper and other spices. During the colonial era, immigrants from many countries arrived in Indonesia and brought different cultures as well as cuisines. Most native Indonesians eat rice as the main dish, with a wide range of vegetables and meat as side dishes. However, in some parts of the country, such as Irian Jaya and Ambon, the majority of the people eat sago (a type of tapioca) and sweet potato.
The most important aspect of modern Indonesian cuisine is that food must be halal, conforming to Islamic food laws. Haraam, the opposite of halal, includes pork and alcohol. However, in some regions where there is a significant non-Muslim population, non-halal foods are also commonly served. Indonesian dishes are usually spicy, using a wide range of chili peppers and spices. The most popular dishes include nasi goreng (fried rice), Satay, Nasi Padang (a dish of Minangkabau) and soy-based dishes, such as tofu and tempe. A unique characteristic of some Indonesian food is the application of spicy peanut sauce in their dishes, as a dressing for Gado-gado or Karedok (Indonesian style salad), or for seasoning grilled chicken satay. Another unique aspect of Indonesian cuisine is using terasi or belacan, a pungent shrimp paste in dishes of sambal oelek (hot pungent chili sauce). The sprinkling of fried shallots also gives a unique crisp texture to some Indonesian dishes. Chinese and Indian cultures have influenced the serving of food and the types of spices used. It is very common to find Chinese food in Indonesia such as Dim Sum and noodles, and Indian cuisine such as Tandoori chicken. In addition, Western culture has significantly contributed to the extensive range of dishes. However, the dishes have been transformed to suit Indonesian tastes. For example, steaks are usually served with rice. Popular fast foods such as Kentucky Fried Chicken are served with rice instead of bread and sambal (spicy sauce) instead of ketchup. Some Indonesian foods have been adopted by the Dutch, like Indonesian rice table or 'rijsttafel'.

Religion in Indonesia and Indonesiaphilosophy
Islam is Indonesia's main religion, with almost 88% of Indonesians declared Muslim according to the 2000 census, making Indonesia the most populous Muslim-majority nation in the world. The remaining population is 9% Christian (of which roughly two-thirds are Protestant with the remainder mainly Catholic, and a large minority Charismatic), 2% Hindu and 1% Buddhist. The Pancasila, the statement of two principles which encapsulate the ideology of the Indonesian state, affirms that "The state shall be based on the belief in the one and only God". Celebrations Main article: Public holidays in Indonesia Date (Gregorian Calendar)Date (Islamic Calendar)English NameLocal NameRemarks 1 JanuaryNew Year's DayTahun Baru Masehi Rabi' al-awwal 12Birth of the ProphetMaulid Nabi MuhammadBirthday of the Islamic Prophet Muhammad January-FebruaryChinese New YearTahun Baru Imlek1st day of 1st month of Chinese Calendar MarchDay of SilenceHari Raya Nyepi (Tahun Baru Saka)New Year of Balinese calendar March-AprilGood FridayWafat Yesus Kristus (Jumat Agung)Date varies; this is the Friday before Easter Sunday, which is the first Sunday after the first Paschal Full Moon following the official vernal equinox 1 MayLabor DayPekerja May-JuneAscension DayKenaikan Yesus Kristus MayBuddha's BirthdayWaisakIn Indonesia it is celebrated as Trisuci Waisak, to commemorate three important events in Buddhism; Buddha's birthday, enlightenment and his death. Date varies according to the Buddhist calendar Rajab 27Ascension of the ProphetIsra Mi'raj Nabi Muhammad 17 AugustIndependence DayHari Proklamasi Kemerdekaan R.I.Mr. Soekarno and Mr. Hatta as the proclamator Shawwal 1-2Day after RamadanIdul Fitri (Lebaran Mudik)Date varies according to the Islamic calendar Dhu al-Hijjah 10Feast of the SacrificeIdul Adha (Lebaran Haji)Date varies according to the Islamic calendar Muharram 1Islamic New YearTahun Baru Hijriyah1st day of the[Muharram], the beginning of the new Islamic year 25 DecemberChristmasHari Natal See also Indonesia portal Culture portal Adat Demographics of Indonesia Tabuik List of museums and cultural institutions in Indonesia References ^ UNESCO, Angklung was officially recognized on 18 November 2010 at the Fifth Unesco Inter-Governmental Committee meeting on Intangible Cultural Heritage in Nairobi, Kenya. ^ UNESCO grants Indonesia's angklung cultural heritage title .

DIET DIABETES

What Is Diabetes? As food is digested, it is broken down into glucose (also known as sugar), which provides energy and powers our cells. Insulin, a hormone made in the pancreas, moves the glucose from the blood to the cells.

However, if there is not enough insulin or the insulin isn’t working properly, then the glucose stays in the blood and causes blood sugar levels to rise.
There are three main types of diabetes: type 1, type 2, and gestational diabetes.

Type 1 results from the pancreas no longer being able to make insulin and is usually found in children, teens, and young adults. Gestational diabetes can occur near the end of a woman’s pregnancy and usually disappears after the baby’s birth.

The most common form of diabetes is type 2. Risk factors include being overweight; not getting enough physical activity; having a parent or sibling with diabetes; being African-American, Asian-American, Latino, Native American, or Pacific Islander; being a woman who had gestational diabetes or gave birth to a baby who weighed more than nine pounds; having high blood pressure, having low HDL (good cholesterol) or high triglycerides; and having pre-diabetes.

Diabetes: Why Is It Dangerous? “When poorly controlled diabetes causes blood glucose levels that are too high or too low, you may not feel well,” explains Claudia L. Morrison, RD, outpatient diabetes program coordinator at Washington Hospital Center in Washington, D.C. “Diabetes that is poorly controlled over time can lead to complications that affect the body from head to toe.” Issues can occur with everything from one’s eyes, kidneys, and nerves to reproductive organs, blood vessels, and gums. But the most serious problems are heart disease and risk of stroke.

Diabetes: What Role Does Diet Play? “Food can either promote diabetes or help prevent it, depending on how it affects the body’s ability to process glucose,” says Elizabeth Ricanati, MD, medical director of the Cleveland Clinic’s Lifestyle 180 Program in Cleveland. “People should avoid foods that increase blood sugar and those that raise cholesterol, such as processed foods, foods high in saturated fats or with trans fats, and foods with added sugars and syrups.” Processed foods as well as items high in fat or sugar not only can disrupt the balance between glucose and insulin, resulting in inflammation, but can also contribute to risk factors such as being overweight.

Carbs, too, need to be watched. While they are necessary to fuel the body, some carbohydrates raise blood glucose levels more than others. “The glycemic index (GI) measures how a carbohydrate-containing food raises blood glucose,” says Morrison. “Foods are ranked based on how they compare to a reference food such as white bread. Dry beans and legumes, all non-starchy vegetables, and many whole-grain breads and cereals all have a low GI.” Diabetes: What Is a Healthy Diet? A healthy diet for diabetes is virtually the same as a healthy diet for anyone.

Eat reasonably sized portions to avoid gaining weight, and include fruits and vegetables (limit juice to no more than eight ounces a day); whole grains rather than processed ones; fish and lean cuts of meat; beans and legumes; and liquid oils. Limit saturated fats and high-calorie snacks and desserts like chips, cake, and ice cream, and stay away from trans fats altogether.

Thirty minutes of exercise most days of the week and losing 5 to 10 percent of body weight, if a person is overweight, are also crucial in reducing the risk of type 2 diabetes.

Finally, anyone experiencing frequent urination, extreme thirst or hunger, unexplained weight loss, fatigue, blurry vision, or frequent infections should see a doctor for a blood test to check for diabetes. With careful attention and healthy lifestyle choices, diabetes can be kept under control.

Water to your health

Water, drinks and your health

It's easy to overlook, but choosing healthier drinks is a key part of getting a balanced diet. Many soft drinks – including instant powdered drinks and hot chocolate – are high in sugar.

Food and drinks that are high in sugar are often high in calories, and having too many calories can make you more likely to gain weight. Some energy drinks are high in both sugar and caffeine.
Checking the nutrition labels on soft drinks such as fruit juices and fizzy drinks can help you make healthier choices. For more information, see Food labels.

Drink plenty of water Water is a healthy and cheap choice for quenching your thirst at any time. It has no calories and contains no sugars that can damage teeth.
Plain tea, fruit tea and coffee (without added sugar) can also be healthy. If you don't like the taste of plain water, try sparkling water or add a slice of lemon or lime. Or heat the water and infuse a tea bag, some coffee or a slice of lemon.
You could also add some no-added-sugar squash or fruit juice for flavour. Drink semi-skimmed, 1% fat or skimmed milk Milk is a good source of calcium, a mineral that helps build and maintain healthy bones. It also contains protein, vitamins and other minerals, and doesn't cause tooth decay. For a healthier choice, choose semi-skimmed, 1% fat or skimmed milk.
Limit your intake of flavoured milks, milkshakes, condensed milk and milk-based energy or malt drinks – these contain added sugar, which is bad for teeth.
Milk is especially important for young children. They should drink whole milk until they are two years old because they may not get the calories they need from lower-fat milks. Cow's milk should not be given as a drink until a baby is one year old as it doesn't contain the balance of nutrients a baby needs. From the age of two, children can gradually move to semi-skimmed milk as a main drink as long as they are eating a varied and balanced diet and growing well.
For more information, see Drinks and cups for children. Juices, smoothies and 5 A DAY Fruit and vegetable juices and smoothies contain a variety of vitamins that are good for our health.
A small glass of fruit juice counts as one of your recommended five daily portions of fruit and vegetables. But a glass of juice should only ever be one of your portions of 5 A DAY because it doesn't contain the fibre found in whole fruits and vegetables. Have other types of fruit and vegetables for the other four (or more) portions.
Fruit juice also contains sugar that can damage teeth. It's best to drink it with a meal because this can help protect teeth. The sugars found naturally in whole fruit are less likely to cause tooth decay because the sugar is contained within the structure of the fruit. When fruit is juiced or blended, the sugars are released.
Once released, these sugars can damage teeth, especially if you drink juice frequently. Even unsweetened fruit juice is sugary, so try to drink no more than 150ml of fruit juice each day.
Fizzy drinks, flavoured waters, and squashes with added sugar Fizzy drinks, squashes and juice drinks can contain lots of added sugar and very few nutrients, so keep them to a minimum – children should avoid them completely.
Flavoured water drinks can also contain a surprisingly large amount of sugar, so check the label before you buy. Also beware of "juice drinks" as these may not have enough fruit in them to count towards your five portions of fruit and vegetables a day.
A high sugar content means a drink is also high in calories, which can contribute towards you becoming overweight. Cutting down on these drinks is a good way of reducing the number of calories you consume while not missing out on any nutrients. Likewise, getting children to drink fewer sugary drinks is a good way of limiting the amount of sugar they consume. Children who drink a lot of sugary drinks are more likely to become overweight. The added sugar in these drinks also means they can damage teeth.
If you do have sugary or fizzy drinks, drinking them with meals can help reduce the damage to teeth. The best drinks to give children are water, milk and milkshakes without added sugar.
If you or your children like fizzy drinks, try diluting fruit juice with sparkling water instead. Remember to dilute squashes well to reduce the sugar content in the drink. Read more about Children and fizzy drinks. Caffeinated drinks Caffeine is a stimulant. Drinks containing caffeine can temporarily make us feel more alert or less drowsy. Caffeine affects some people more than others, and the effect can depend on how much caffeine you normally consume. Pregnant women should limit their intake of caffeinated drinks because of their caffeine content. Caffeinated drinks are also unsuitable for toddlers and young children.
Drinks that contain high amounts of caffeine include coffee, tea, colas and energy drinks. Tea and coffee It's fine to drink tea and coffee as part of a balanced diet. Bear in mind, though, that caffeinated drinks can make the body produce urine more quickly. Some people are more susceptible to this than others, but it also depends on how much caffeine you have and how often you have it.
If you have problems with urinary continence, cutting down on caffeine by changing to low-caffeine tea and coffee, fruit or herbal teas, or other types of drinks can sometimes help. If you drink tea or coffee with sugar or you have flavoured syrups in your coffee shop drinks, you could be unwittingly damaging your teeth and adding unhelpful calories to your diet.
A wide variety of tablet or granular artificial sweeteners are available and are safe to consume in your hot drinks. Find out more about artificial sweeteners. However, many people who choose to cut out sugar from their hot drinks soon become accustomed to the taste.
Energy drinks and caffeine Energy drinks often contain high levels of caffeine and are often high in sugar (calories). They may also contain other stimulants and sometimes vitamins and minerals or herbal substances. The caffeine levels in these drinks vary, but there is often around 80mg of caffeine in a small 250ml can. This is the same as two cans of cola or a small mug of coffee.
Caffeine during pregnancy Pregnant women should have no more than 200mg of caffeine a day. One mug of instant coffee contains around 100mg of caffeine. High levels of caffeine can result in babies having a low birth weight, which can increase the risk of health problems in later life. High caffeine levels might also cause miscarriage. Check the labels of energy drinks as they often say the drink is not suitable for children or pregnant women.
For more detail on how much caffeine is safe during pregnancy, see Foods to avoid when pregnant. Sports drinks Sports drinks can be useful when you're doing high-level endurance sports and need an energy boost.
But they are no different from any other sugary soft drinks, which means they are high in calories and contribute to tooth decay. Unless you're taking part in high-level endurance sports, water is the healthier choice and the best way to replace fluids lost through exercise.